this rambly post will be about the reason i doodle/draw, what's my view on it, and where am i taking it.

A Little Stroll Back in Time

i have been doodling quite a bit since i was in school. i remember doodling stick figures quite a bit. i made stick figure comics and even created animation using the corner of any book. Although it was fun, i didn't really care for art and thought it wasn't something i would pursue seriously. i'm always impressed by others who can do so and have created amazing art, original and fanworks alike.

some time later, i became a fan of pokemon due to a series of events. It then randomly hit me: why continue to look at others for pokemon art, when i can make it myself? So, i began sketching pokemon on papers. Most of my sketches were basic, usually involving one pokemon in an assortment of poses or scenario. Sadly, one sketch can take months to produce due to a combination of skill issues and not having enough creative ideas. i didn't really care if i was going to get better, i just want to sketch pokemon. During this period of time, i went by the nickname "DoodlingDoodler".

eventually, life caught up and i had to drop doodling once more. Yet, that desire lingered. At some point, i decided to pick up digital drawing/doodling. At first, i was using only the mouse. i didn't get very far with it. In 2018, i decided to purchase a small drawing tablet. It took a little bit to get used to it, but i was doodling once more. With the shift to digital art, i now go by the nickname "SadPumpkin".

this time around, i seriously contemplated the idea of getting better at drawing (not doodling). i took it seriously enough that i challenged myself to produce a drawing each month. Sadly, getting good at art isn't easy and requires way more dedication and deliberate practice, which i was not doing (nor am i too keen these days). On top of that, i wanted to do better and incorporate more idea after each drawing. This means that each drawing took longer than the last one.

i eventually realised how unsustainable it was with the way i was approaching art. i had to reflect on my priorities, what doodling meant to me, and what should be my attitude and philosophy towards it before i burn myself out. i then decided to take art more casually. Rather than worrying about my skills, i just make sure to have fun and remain committed when doodling anything. i have accepted that art isn't my forte, but it will not diminish the enjoyment i get out of it. So, doodling now is more sporadic than before, but i do enjoy a lot more when i do so.

What Doodling Is To Me

as a preface, i use the word 'doodling' because it carries a more casual connotation. i also don't think i am taking it serious enough to call it a 'drawing' most of the time.

with that said, why do i doodle? what kind of fun do i derive from it?

the main reason: to put out whatever is in mind into reality and share it with someone. The process of putting things from my mind into physical form is gratifying to me. It is true when people say you put a little of yourself into something you make. It just hits differently when i make it, as long as i care, even if the result isn't great.

on that note, i do enjoy learning about the technical side of art, particular topics on colour, lighting, and perspective. The technique that people have created to approximate nature and life fascinates me. It is similar to science, but focus more on capturing the presentation rather than explaining the phenomena. This is one thing i regret not paying attention to when i was still studying.

Lightly touching on the subject, this will also be my personal reason for rejecting generative AI for producing art. Many well-spoken artists have already said enough of its negative effects, its misuse and abuse, so i won't be regurgitating what have been said. Although the technology itself is impressive, the 'why' doesn't sit right with me. Although i will never exceed an AI on a technical level, i still enjoy it simply because i made it.

Where To Go From Here

so, what's next? well, i'll still doodle here and there, whenever i feel like it. Currently, most of my focus is either making art/doodle for the website or finishing up my current game dev project. Either those or i'm busy procrastinating...

whatever the future might be, i'll still be doodling, that's what i'm saying. i am aware that i am blessed to be able to approach art like this without too much worry. For that, i am eternally grateful. i like to doodle more than just pokemon, but i won't force it. i'll let the wind take me whenever i doodle.

anyways, thanks for reading another of my ramblings. See ya around!